Bhutan kids

Gross National Happiness

“Gross National Happiness is more important than Gross National Product.”

Jigme Singye Wangchuck, Bhutan’s fourth Dragon King, 1972

As a psychotherapist and life coach, much of my work is geared to “positive psychology:” guiding people to develop the best in themselves and to thrive.

This blog will be about governmental attempts to assess the level of happiness perceived by populations from diverse nations and to assess trends.

Although Wangchuck’s neologism “gross national happiness (GNH)” was intended as a casual remark, the Centre for Bhutan Studies  valued his concept enough  to develop a sophisticated instrument to survey the Bhutanese people’s general sense of well-being.  Michael Pennock, a Canadian epidemiologist, collaborated with Karma Ura, the head of the Centre for Bhutan Studies at the time, to design that tool; Pennock then applied a similar one for surveying Canadians in British Columbia.  The two men went on to develop screening instruments used to evaluate the potential impact of various projects and programs on GNH.

The central premise of the Bhutanese meaning of GNH, based on Buddhist ideals, is that societies flourish when material and spiritual development are interwoven.   Four primary, transcultural aspects of GNH have been articulated:  1)genuine efforts to establish and maintain “good governance”  2)preserving and fostering cultural values   3)conservation of the nation’s natural environment   4)implementing practices that promote sustainable development.  Despite its Buddhist origins, these GNH principles and corollaries (which I won’t elaborate on here) are strongly supported by empirical research concerning positive psychology, with its focus on well-being and happiness.  Later indices have been developed to assess the composite average per capita regarding measures of a nation’s physical and mental/emotional health.

Essentially, the surveys measure what individuals regard as a quality life, rather than what experts or governments maintain are the main characteristics of a good life. An example of a general item concerned with subjective well-being is, “All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole nowadays?”

As you may suspect, the many surveys that have since been developed consider numerous variables and analysis of the results is highly complex.  Among the multitude of variables are:  gender, marital status, family size, educational level, job satisfaction, retirement age, personality, personal values, socioeconomic conditions, religious freedom, political scenario (e.g. lack of government corruption), etc.

In view of the scope and complexity of the data, I will only attempt to site a few key findings. Firstly, no surprise, vast differences in life-quality evaluations exist amongst global regions. For example, a cluster of industrial nations offered much higher ratings of happiness and well-being than did a proximate group of African countries.  Physical health was shown to be a major determinant of perceived life quality and the experience of happiness proved a solid predictor of future health.  Furthermore, marriage emerged as one of the strongest, most universally positive and statistically-significant correlates of life satisfaction, even over cohabitation.

Given the sizable, cumbersome task of identifying GNH factors or indicators, I applaud global efforts to conduct and promulgate such research, which obviously extends well beyond the traditional computation of gross national product (GNP) and demonstrates regard for people’s subjective sense of their welfare.  In the process, governments and various program-providers that serve their populace are becoming more sensitized to what is most meaningful and vital to their constituents.

 

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chicago-cubs

A Call to Graduates

After honoring my son Michael’s strong success throughout his five-year film program, and his May 5th college graduation, I happily have graduation on my mind.

Please pardon my (very) corny and juvenile fun while I cluster some c’s in this otherwise serious call to graduates.

While you most appropriately celebrate the culmination of all the credits you collected, and credit from your proud family, I hope you will challenge yourself to climb beyond the mediocrity associated with the grade C—the center of the bell curve, as you proceed onto college or on with your career.

I invite you grads to contemplate and continue the many character virtues and helpful habits that you have thus far developed.  Secondly, please cut the attitudes and behaviors that have not served you or others well.  You will honor yourself in the process and surely receive acknowledgment from many people, as they witness your positive changes and growth.  Finally, consistent with the common graduation term commencement, may you begin to discover new opportunities and heightened passion, garnering experiences that contribute to your own fulfillment and to the betterment of your clients, colleagues, children, community, etc. (I’m really getting carried away now!).

Essentially, may you make wise choices and implement the courage of your core convictions and especially commit to being caring and compassionate toward yourself and toward everyone whom you contact.

I’m rooting for you!  C you later.

Cheers and Congratulations!

Jim

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Rose

The Big “S”

Many spiritual teachers and transpersonal psychologists, some philosophers, and of course others, distinguish between the higher vs. lower self—what some simply call Self vs. self.  Unless you were born into an elevated state of enlightenment, like an avatar, (supposedly a handful or so babies in every generation actually are), you quickly began to develop an ego-centered, personality-based “self.”  Basic words like “I,” “me” and “mine” soon became prominent in your thinking and speaking, impacting the vast majority of your behavior.  Most people die having never transcended this limited sense of self; many go to their graves regarding themselves as the center of the universe!

Terms such as “higher self,” “Self,” or “True Self,” have frequently been applied to ways of being that represent essence: that which is fundamentally real or true.  Some prime examples involve:

  • relatively pure expression of love, e.g. compassion, kindness, generosity, etc.
  • a profound appreciation and reverence for the sacredness and ultimate unity of all
  • relatively selfless service:  free from desire for any form of personal gain
  • clear recognition of one’s life purpose and consistent action to fulfill/realize it
  • an ability to reconcile paradoxes–seeming contradictions   

Regarding the latter, I was recently moved by this beautiful emailed-letter excerpt I received from a Boulder female rabbi whom I greatly respect :

Tiferet is the still point at the center of all the seeming contradictions in our lives, the resting place where true Beauty resides. When we find the middle point between our impermanence and our undying nature; our childlike vulnerability and our immense power to change reality; our aching, aging selves full of foibles and unfinished projects, and the mountain of power that lives within us, there in the laughter we find Tiferet.

The essence of our being, Tiferet, has been likened to a perfect rose, moist with dew.  The rose in every culture is the symbol of the Self, of purest love, of the radiant, ungraspable beauty of our being. Her petals are a labrynth that open to a single mysterious center, and she would not be a rose without thorns that cut us open and make us bleed.

Rabbi Tirzah Firestone

It’s one thing to intellectually and/or energetically perceive a sense of Self.  It’s a whole other state of being to cellularly embrace and consistently live virtues attributable to Self.   Metaphorically, people generally live on the rippled surface of the ocean; the “awakened or enlightened” minority remain in the oceanic depths, where waves are absent.   Attaining and regularly manifesting such consciousness requires some combination of ongoing strong devotion and great grace.

I’ve been aspiring toward Selfhood for three decades and more than occasionally, I feel like I’m in elementary school.  G-d is the best judge.

 

 

 

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friends talking

Restoring High Touch

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.  -Jimi Hendrix

I never cared how much you knew until I knew how much you cared.  -Unknown

I’ve quoted two different, yet complimentary messages above, both of which I feel are vital in a shrinking world in which relationships are becoming increasingly virtual.  The growing tendency is toward quantity over quality of relationships, and on quick touches, with focus on numbers of “friends” on various forms of social media; crisp text messages and emails; and Evites and Send Out Cards replacing face-to-face or telephone contact.   In terms of power-seeking, a vast amount of attention is being given to participation in multiple networking or leads groups and on leveraging time and income through internet marketing, including highly-popular webinars.  In the process, so many folks seek to impress one another with their special brand of expertise.

Although I admit that I participate some in cyberspace, I very consciously limit my involvement with social media, do not (at least yet) have a smart phone, have never texted, etc.  Short of wanting to become a “dinosaur,” I sorely miss the pre-technological and information ages, when most people placed a premium on quality of friendships and valued personal  connections over superficial contact.  I’d much prefer to have a half-dozen or so intimate friends than to boast (even to myself) how many acquaintances or Facebook friends I have.

Many offer the seemingly-plausible counter that it’s quite possible to have both close friends and a large circle of acquaintances.  While I agree in principle, what I witness is an insidious, epidemic trend toward the impersonal.  An analogy I like to use is that of the frog in the pot.  If you place a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out.  However, when you place that frog in a pot of tepid water and gradually turn up the heat, it will cook to death.  Caveat emptor with our thirst for increasingly efficient and extensive forms of outreach!

Yes, we can stroke our egos and more readily than ever acquire fame, fortune, and the appearance of power, but at what cost?  I strongly suggest that the cost includes compromised self-awareness, genuine and deep connection, and “little” things like Love and Truth (beyond so-called “facts”).

To be clear, I’m not proposing “throwing out the baby with the bathwater.”  I’m just inviting each of us to take a periodic personal, rigorous inventory of our level of involvement in the info & techno explosion and to make necessary or desired modifications.  Let’s be able to see the soulfulness in each other’s eyes as we meet heart to heart.

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Contemplative Man

My Spiritual Retreat

As a long-term mystic intent on developing personal virtues and on deepening my connection with the Divine, spiritual practices have been a staple or mainstay in my daily life for decades.   Periodically, I have the great privilege of engaging in a guided spiritual retreat, as I did this past weekend.   Previously, I’ve devoted between two days to a full week for those retreats; this was the first time that I experienced a single-day retreat.

This time I lacked the luxury of settling into my retreat; I had to “go for it,” fully realizing that the next day my activities would resume as normal.   Fortunately, my current guide, who I’ve been working with for over three years as part of the Sufi Order International (SOI), is the North American head of the healing order of SOI and is a very accomplished retreat leader.   I was pleased that she recognized my spiritual maturity enough to give me plenty of leeway in determining the theme of my retreat and in designing my day as it progressed.  However, my guide was also able and willing to provide some structural guidelines and suggestions for specific practices that proved very facilitative during the day.

It’s never advisable to disclose detailed content about one’s retreat.  However, I’m clear that general comments would be helpful for others who are considering  participating in some form of spiritual retreat.

Essentially, my day’s activities involved a combination of deep communion, reflection, spontaneous  (i.e. non-prescribed) reading, journaling and walking, plus sitting in nature.   As I mentioned above, I had the freedom to organize the day in a way that worked for me, yet observing a few key timing guidelines, in the process.

Typical of what most people report, my retreats serve to fling open my heart, create fresh insights and perspectives, bring me closer to the Divine, and to rejuvenate me.  However, the accompanying intense focusing is at times tiring, challenging and/or confrontational.  This heightened one-day plunge was no exception.  What made the day particularly special and impactful was that I chose to take my retreat on the final (eighth) day of this year’s Jewish Passover, a holiday I observe fairly diligently every year.

I am available to facilitate two-day retreats (e.g. weekends) for those wanting a relatively brief excursion into universal spirituality.  www.energyforlife.us

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Bored Boy

Disgruntled Young Boys

Bored Boy

“Boy culture and school culture do not mix.  We need to meet the boys where they are and change the culture in the schools.”    Alison Carr-Chellman

According to Alison Carr-Chellman, Pennsylvania State University professor of instructional systems, many boys become “turned off” to school in their early elementary years, as they typically feel that they don’t fit in.  The Penn State professor sited several key aspects of school culture that she regards as incompatible with young boys’ success.  A prominent statistic is that about 93% of elementary school teachers are women.  The paucity of men teachers leaves boys relatively devoid of male role models and detracts from the overall school experience for boys.  One notable example is the policy of zero-tolerance for violence that is prevalent in schools across our nation.  Commonly forbidden or frowned-upon items include small toy guns, video games, and Halloween costumes.  Furthermore, depicting disasters via writing and/or drawing is frequently discouraged.  Similarly, decreased tolerance for very active children alienates more boys than girls.  Boys also tend to struggle with the trend toward larger-size classrooms, higher expectations (including learning more at earlier ages), and increased testing

Ms. Carr-Chellman advocates various innovative instructional methods or strategies as a prime means of re-engaging boys in learning and becoming more interested in school.  One such approach involves video gaming as an educational tool.  Another centers around adopting more physical activities and sports in the curriculum.  Alison believes that “too many educational games are glorified flash cards; educational games should engage kids in rich narratives, competitive and cooperative play, fantasy, and learning.”

I concur with Ms. Carr-Chellman’s progressive thinking and agree with her that many of the zero-tolerance policies have become excessive.  Both of us oppose major forms of classroom disruption and bullying.

The bottom line for us is that schools need to relax some of their restrictions and consider ways to assisting boys to feel more welcome and accommodated in school.  Boys’ overall well-being and the future strength of our society are at stake.

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upper-thetis-lake-park-victoria-bc

Oh Canada!

What a smooth, joyous and intimate five-day visit I just completed with my best friend Eliot and his family in Victoria, B.C.!   We packed our time together with varied activities, such as hiking in nature, attending one of his teen-daughter’s dance performance, playing Scrabble (I attained my best score ever!), watching a Final Four basketball game, etc.—all interspersed with plenty of rich conversation and playful banter.

Eliot Lowey

Eliot Lowey Speaking at Whole Man Expo 2011

 

Eliot was a contributing author to our men’s anthology Ordinary Men, Extraordinary Lives:  Defining Moments and served as the keynote speaker at our inaugural Whole Man Expo last September.   As owner of a counseling and consulting center, Eliot and fellow therapists work with numerous individuals and groups; Eliot also consults for Canadian government agencies, organizations, and businesses in many  parts of Canada.

I am very grateful to my dear friend for organizing for me a half-day workshop comprised mainly of clients accustomed to individual and/or group therapy, but unfamiliar with classical “men’s work.”  After sharing book-development highlights and one of the poignant stories from the anthology, I facilitated a very powerful process that I’ve recently been doing with groups.  The process is designed to rather rapidly catalyze deeper clarity about the value of a period of major adversity that had shaped the participants’ lives.  Although some of the men found the exercise to be more intense than they anticipated, most of the guys realized some key insights and gained a clearer sense of direction from their morning experience.  I truly enjoyed working with and benefiting them.

A “gift” to me was having the privilege of Eliot’s skillful, yet unobtrusive co-facilitation, as well as his astute feedback during a debriefing session after our event.  Eliot was grateful to me for setting the stage for him to potentially include men’s consciousness-raising as an offering at his clinic.

All in all, my Canadian trip was one of the finest (working) vacations I’ve ever taken! Also, I was thrilled to observe my friend of 26 years doing so well in many facets of his life.  So cool to have watched his kids grow up and to witness the family being very close with one another.

I am quite pleased to have similar book presentation/ facilitation events scheduled in the Denver area during the next few months: http://mensanthology.com/about

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Matzah Bread

Chewing the Matzah

On April 6, I will begin observing the eight-day Jewish holiday of Passover, as I do annually, along with my family.  Just thinking about writing this blog has jump-started my introspective process.

Central to the many dietary restrictions during Passover is eating cracker-like, unleavened matzah, in lieu of bread.   Besides its traditional meaning in the Passover story, the matzah symbolizes “flattening” or effacing one’s ego.  So, in addition to Jews celebrating the theme of freedom during this holiday, we have the opportunity to humble ourselves before God and in our daily attitudes and behavior.

I admit that my initial, very cursory view of the state of my ego was that I have thinned it a lot over the years.  Indeed I have, yet the ego is a tricky monster, and upon further scrutiny, I quickly realized various ways in which that oversized three-letter word remains active.   One of those ways pertains to many of my blog, Twitter and Facebook posts.   I became aware that I have a tendency to write ostentatiously at times, being more concerned about appearing skillful as a writer than making my points simply and/or speaking from my heart.  Furthermore, rather than merely expressing my feelings, beliefs and reactions, I know that I have excessively challenged others’ statements or positions.  I now have the intention to directly and heartfully speak “my peace” and to be vigilant of even subtle forms of confrontation or “dissing,” except when I feel quite strongly that I am serving by relating my disagreement.

I don’t feel the need to do full penance or confession in this post.  Suffice it to say that I have always valued self-examination in the name of ongoing efforts at improvement.  Some self-disclosure and limited self-deprecation is often in order, too.  (I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the pros and cons of therapist self-disclosure).

The last day of Passover, I have scheduled a retreat day, during which I will receive a number of practices from my spiritual guide designed to put the “finishing touches” on my week of introspection.   I feel good joining many fellow Jews during their Passover week self-evaluation, as well as Christians who will be doing the same during their much longer period of Lent observance.

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Spring Awakening

I’m a strong advocate of learning from the various milestone events that life delivers to each of us.  Then again, I admit that I seek lessons through many sources, e.g. from people of all persuasions, in nature, and even from quotes and metaphors.  The changing seasons present one such learning opportunity.  Spring, my second favorite season, is full of instructive messages.

The vernal equinox trumpets the advent of the interplay of humility, redemption, return, rebirth and re-visioning.   Beautiful flowers blossom, colorful birds migrate north, and hibernating animals resume active life.  People tend to follow suit, emerging from their homes to socialize more in the warmth and to enjoy outdoor activities.

Similarly, during Passover, Jews celebrate rising up from 400 years of degrading oppression as slaves in Egypt, while Christians commemorate their Savior’s rising from an excruciating death.   These two religious holidays are replete with symbols and rituals that remind us of our growth potential.  For example, the egg on the Seder plate and the Easter egg symbolize rebirth.   Both the six-week period of Lent-observance by Christians and the Jewish practice of eating matzah for eight days elicit attention to “flatten” our inflated egos and to humble ourselves in awe of Supreme Power and Truth.   Once again, we become present to the opportunity to choose (return to) morality and love, as well as to envision and implement a purposeful life of service to creation.

I invite you to reflect on other signs and teachings to which spring beckons us to attune.

 

 

 

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stage

The Human Story

Acting on Stage

“All the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players.” - William Shakespeare

Clearly, every human being is enacting a dramatic part in a global play, with some roles seemingly larger and more significant than others.

Having listened to thousands of stories as a psychotherapist for forty years, and having edited Ordinary Men, Extraordinary Lives:  Defining Moments, featuring forty men’s deeply-personal stories, I have found that virtually everybody thinks s/he has a compelling life story.  Given that we’re the most egocentric species on the planet, that should come as no surprise.

I simultaneously hold two different perspectives concerning the human story.  One is that our unique constellation of personality traits and life events makes earthly existence very rich and colorful.  Furthermore, I strongly believe that life’s challenges/tests, difficulties and pain, along with its joys, serve to foster our souls’ development.  During recent men’s-anthology book signings, I have been engaging participants in a process to extract the profound value of pivotal or transformational life experiences. I consistently find that people’s perceptions of these “special,” defining moments appear at least somewhat (sometimes radically) different from the vantage points of past, present and future.

The other main perspective that I maintain concerns spiritual development.  As one acquires spiritual wisdom, s/he gradually transcends attention on personal characteristics and life circumstances; s/he becomes increasingly less inclined to define himself and others according to distinctive attributes.   One’s focus gradually shifts to perceiving universal virtues, such as love, compassion, courage and wisdom.  A highly-evolved or enlightened person comes to “cellularly” realize, not just intellectually/philosophically believe, that in essence, we’re all united as one. At that point, one may remain entertained by unique stories, but is definitely less attached to his own story or immersed in those of others.

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