The Big Love

by on 3:00 pm in love

Radiant Heart

“Love Makes the World Go Round.”  ~ song by Jane Morgan, 1962

Actually, love comprises the fundamental building blocks of the entire universe. Each of us yearns to love and to be loved. However, because each of us endured many hurts, we have erected barriers to intimacy.

Once we sufficiently risk opening ourselves to letting love in and to expressing our love to others, despite past rejections, disappointments, etc., we can pave the way for developing a much greater love relationship—the one with the Divine.

Since the mid 1970s, I have been highly privileged to be a student of the mystical tradition of Sufism, which quintessentially is a path of the heart. This path profoundly nurtures my heart’s longing and continually challenges me to open more to the limitless aspects, power and beauty of Love.

I’d like to share some evocative quotes that reflect the Big Love; these are from the most renowned Sufi poets of all time, a great woman Sufi saint and two of my Sufi mentors.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  ~ Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th century Sufi Master and poet

 ”I am happy even before I have a reason. I am full of Light even before the sky Can greet the sun or the moon. Dear companions, we have been in love with G-d for so very, very long. What can Hafiz now do but forever dance!” ~ Shams-ud-din Muhammad Hafiz, 14th century Sufi Master and poet

“The pleasures of life are blinding; it is love alone that clears the rust from the heart, the mirror of the soul.—Until the heart is empty, it cannot receive the knowledge of G-d.—When one has risen above human love, Divine Love springs forth.” ~ Hazrat Inayat Khan, early 20th-century Sufi Master (note: my present teacher is his living grandson, Pir Zia Inayat Khan)

“Love is for Love’s sake; Love is for G-d’s sake; if you love somebody this way, that person will generally start to change.” ~ Sheikh Din Muhammad Abdullah al Dayemi, current Sufi Master

“O my Lord, if I worship You from fear of hell, burn me in hell. If I worship You from hope of Paradise, bar me from its gates. But if I worship You for Yourself alone, grant me then the beauty of your Face.”  ~ Rabia al Adawiyya, 8th century Sufi saint

I hope that these sayings serve to spark your spiritual attunement, as they do mine.

Toward the One,

Jim

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Spring Holiday Themes

by on 7:55 pm in ego-reduction, humility, transcendence

jesus-christ-risen

Each year the Christian holiday of Easter and the Jewish Passover occur in proximity to each other. Both of these are festive events, commemorating Christ’s resurrection and the Jews’ attaining freedom from slavery in Egypt. Despite the two different religious traditions there are a few striking commonalities between these holidays.

A major theme of Passover is humility—regaining or revisiting a deep sense of awe of G-d’s supreme power and magnificence. Humility was an integral part of Christ’s nature and of his message to humanity. Observance of Easter and Passover serve as markers and reminders for us to efface our inflated egos. Doing so requires honest, rigorous introspection.

moses_red_sea

Another significant commonality of these two religious holidays is the concept of spiritual salvation as a result of following G-d’s commandments: living a moral life and serving the common good. When we consistently rise above our selfish desires and transcend separation, we naturally enter an inner and outer experience of genuine beauty and celebration. In the process, we also realize the splendor of unity with diversity and the true meaning of freedom.

Real humility and ego transcendence certainly do not come easily or “cheaply;” they represent high ideals for which to aspire.

Wishing you a joyous season of sincere, profound humility, gratitude and awe!

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Waking Up to Spring

by on 5:26 pm in coaching questions

wildflower-meadow

Along with many animals hibernating, a lot of us essentially turn inward during the winter. As the changing season and weather beckon us to spring forth, I thought it would be fun and meaningful to pose several relevant questions and challenges on which you may reflect.

1) What 2-3 areas of your life most need your attention and effort at this time? (Clue: Look at what is important, but that you’ve been avoiding/resisting or need to “clean up.”)

2) At this time of rebirth, what seeds are ready to be born or reborn in your “fertile field?”

3) What potentially exciting opportunities and/or activities have you been avoiding, but are now willing to risk? When will you engage in them?

4) Are you willing to commit to accomplishing at least two specific agenda on your bucket list by the end of this summer?

5) Two major religious holidays are occurring at the end of this month:  Passover and Easter. How have your views of religion, spirituality, and/or G-d shifted since your youth or in recent years? What are you willing to do at this juncture to develop your spirituality?

I’d love to see a few of your responses in the comments below.

Wishing you a spring replete with vitality and deep fulfillment.  Make it so!

 

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In Quest of Notoriety

by on 12:38 pm in dangerous stunts, Violence

dangerous stunts

 

In recent years, a surge of violent or dangerous schemes to gain notoriety, mainly by young men, has been occurring.

The most heinous form of these narcissistic acts involves mass shootings that, according to subsequent investigations, appear to be motivated at least in part by the desire for infamy. Such motivation is radically different from that of terrorists, e.g. suicide bombers. Two prominent examples concern the huge carnage inflicted with assault weapons on children. In 2011, Anders Breivik murdered 69 children and wounded 110 (at least half of them seriously) at a summer camp in Norway. Last December, Adam Lanza killed virtually every one of the 28 people he shot in Newtown, MA (including his mother)—the 2nd deadliest shooting in American history. Yet another pair of notoriety-seeking schemes was uncovered in October 2012, just before they could be executed. Those involved a teenager in Denver, CO, who told his therapist that he planned to assassinate President Obama during his pre-election campaign trip to Denver, as well as shooting high school students. Fortunately, both incidents were prevented by the youth’s therapist notifying the police shortly before the guy went off on his intended shooting spree

Dangerous stunt videos, primarily created by teenage boys or young adult males, are now prolific on Youtube. Besides enjoying the excitement of taking big physical risks and feeling out of control, many of the guys performing these stunts admit that they are doing them to gain widespread attention. The dangerous acts, ranging from choking games to car or train-related stunts to wacky, home-based thrills, too often result in injuries or death.

Not everyone who commits violent or dangerous acts has a serious mental disorder. Some of the mass-attention seekers are easily bored, needing high levels of intense stimulation, and/or are apathetic about their lives. However, the rash of such episodes has, for obvious reasons, generated extensive concern, as best evidenced by the public outcry for gun control.

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Substance Abuse in the U.S.

by on 4:49 pm in substance abuse

cocaine

I have long been concerned about the amount of substance abuse in the United States. The legalization of drugs such as marijuana in several states (including my own), although in small quantities, has, in my opinion, served to legitimize and normalize their use. Even though substance abuse has never been a specialty area of mine, as a psychologist in private practice I routinely see clients who, in addition to other disorders, abuse or are dependent on alcohol and/or drugs (“dual diagnoses”).

Obviously, this is a huge, multi-faceted topic. In this blog, I just want to address a few aspects of it

People use and abuse substances for a range of reasons, including to self-medicate, recreate, “party,” feel confident or uninhibited in social situations, expand consciousness, etc. The adverse health and social conditions associated with substance abuse/dependence are rampant. Prime examples involve major physical disorders and overdosing, teen pregnancy, family disruptions, domestic violence, child abuse, job/school absenteeism and loss of productivity, financial problems, and many types of crime.

drinking-alcohol

Here is a miniscule sample of recent data that reflects the prevalence of U.S. substance abuse:

  • Nearly 30% of American adults drink at levels that put them at risk for alcohol dependence and for alcohol-related problems.
  • The earlier in life that a person begins drinking, the greater the risk of developing alcoholism. Currently, about 70% of underage American youths have used alcohol, with over two million between ages 12-20 regarded as heavy drinkers and at least five million being binge drinkers.
  • In a survey of over 6500 employees at 16 workplaces, representing a range of industries, nearly 25% of upper-level managers reported drinking during work hours in the prior month.
  • Nearly half of high-school seniors and 20% of 8th graders used at least one illicit drug at some point during their teens.
  • Over half of all people arrested in the U.S., including for major felonies, tested positively for using illicit drugs.
  • Deaths from drug overdosing rose for the 11th consecutive year.

I’m afraid that since alcohol and drug use/abuse are so widespread in our culture, we are becoming insidiously numb to their highly destructive impact on all of us.

Resources:

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism  www.niaaa.nih.gov

American Council on Alcoholism  www.aca.usa.org

National Institute on Drug Abuse  www.drugabuse.gov

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention  www.cdc.gov

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Mending Our Broken World

by on 1:22 pm in world peace

peace_sign

by Rudi Gelsey

“Much of human history is marked by domination rather than partnership: men over women, colonial powers over subjugated tribes and countries, and racism over equality. For peace to prevail, partnership is the wave of the future. Peacemaking is intimately related to justice-making. Without justice, mutual respect, right relations, right institutions, and a cooperative spirit, we cannot expect to live in peace. . . . The current anarchy and lawlessness in international relations calls for urgent remedial action.” With this quote, in the spirit of Riane Eisler, we open the Path to Perpetual Peace. We have arrived at a critical juncture in human history. My recent book Mending Our Broken World:  A Path to Perpetual Peace proposes that we abandon the old, destructive ways of war and move to a peaceful world federation without national armies and weapons of mass destruction.

To understand the contemporary world, we require a historical review of political science, philosophy, religion, and spirituality. I thus worked feverishly to examine the historic causes of wars and world wars, while presenting current opportunities for global peace. The writing describes over 200 years of brutal wars from Napoleon to Hitler, on to the present day. The book examines the role of the US as it rises from thirteen colonies to become the world’s greatest superpower. I revive the glorious legacy of 2,800 years of Perennial Philosophy, an oft-neglected foundation for world peace.

The book presents the idea that, while religion has a checkered history, all religions have common origins and invite us to live together in harmony. The Abrahamic traditions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, along with indigenous and Eastern religions form a Sacred Unity. Opposing one another constitutes an obsolete aberration. We suggest that after poor beginnings, the 21st century will become an era of experiencing ourselves like the astronauts did: one blue-green globe, one human family.

Studying the weaknesses of international organizations, we deconstructed the delusions of many diplomats and politicians. All countries in the United Nations, including the U.S., would benefit decisively by adopting a new, world federal system covering the global needs of our planet. Such a transformation agrees with the principle of subsidiarity in political science. This requires that local issues be dealt with locally, regional issues regionally, national issues nationally. Global issues, like peaceful conflict resolution and the sustainability of the planet, are managed globally. As long as we have nations and empires with absolute national sovereignty, the long trail of wars will continue. The time is now for establishing a global system of government to preserve peace, liberty, and justice. Reforming the United Nations by eliminating the veto power in the Security Council provides a solid foundation for Perpetual Peace.

An accomplished activist, author, and minister, Rudi Gelsey earned a a Bachelor of Divinity from the University of Chicago and a Master of Political Science at the University of Geneva; he also pursued doctoral studies at the Graduate Institute of International Studies in Geneva. Rudi published Mending Our Broken World: A Path to Perpetual Peace in 2012. If interested in world peace, mail a check for $19.95 for the book to Rudi Gelsey at 22 S. Adams #715E, Denver, CO  80209.

Note:  Rudi’s story of his activism appears in our men’s anthology.

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Two Whole Presidents

by on 1:01 pm in wholeness

Washington-Lincoln

Two of the most exemplary presidents in U.S. history are annually memorialized together on Presidents’ Day. Besides being commonly regarded as amongst the greatest presidents, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln would, in many respects, also qualify as “whole” men. Of course, nobody has ever represented the entire “package,” yet these noble, heroic presidents manifested a vast array of qualities characteristic of relatively whole men. I want to highlight Washington’s and Lincoln’s character, as widely lauded by historical scholars, biographers and generations of admirers, especially by the people they served. To reflect their humanness, I will also include a few commonly-noted shortcomings.

George Washington, celebrated for his dignified and virtuous nature, placed a premium on character, while downplaying the public policies that he advanced. He was deeply committed to his position as a public servant and dedicated to the common good. Although he was not well educated, especially bright or charismatic, Washington was seen as a wise man who regularly exercised sound judgment. Our first president also demonstrated marked compassion and generosity on his “soft side,” balanced by stereotypically-masculine traits such as considerable courage, discipline and perseverance.

Abraham Lincoln was perhaps best known and honored for championing fairness, respect, diversity and self-determination. He highly valued logic, truth, personal growth and learning. Our 16th president has often been eulogized for his tenacity in forwarding his convictions. Although hailed as a humble, unpretentious and congenial man who genuinely liked most people, “Honest Abe” proved quite guarded or reticent in most of his relationships. Even most of his close associates considered him an enigma. Lincoln was viewed as a very discerning man who was unusually perceptive of the character of others. He had a strong proclivity for storytelling and was generally regarded as an excellent raconteur.

We would do well to take a “page” from both of these highly-principled giants of American history and to apply many of their virtues in our daily lives.

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Sunrise, Sunset

by on 8:53 pm in Family

Most of the family celebrating Hanukkah in 2012.

Most of the family celebrating Hanukkah in 2012.


“Sunrise, sunset—swiftly fly the years.” -Song from Fiddler on the Roof

A few days after my youngest daughter, Alyssa, and her boyfriend, Chris, returned to Colorado after living in Los Angeles for 2.5 years, my wife, Ruth, and I invited our three adult children and their partners for a reunion dinner. Following a spirited dinner conversation, Alyssa requested that we watch home movies for “old time sake.” We viewed numerous excerpts of videos from 1988 to 1993, none of which we had previously watched as an entire family. During our viewing, the collective mood ranged from sentimental to raucously silly. I’d like to summarize my reactions to the evening.

I felt deep nostalgia while soaking up scene upon scene of our family of five delightfully interacting. The rapid-fire succession of sweet and fun times we had living under the same roof served to overshadow the challenging and difficult periods that we endured together. Amidst our riveted attention on the movies, I also really enjoyed the light banter, especially my quick-witted son, Michael’s humor.

One video that was particularly special to me involved a triple celebration: my oldest daughter, Alaina’s Bat Mitzvah, my dad’s 70th (and final) birthday, and my brother-in-law’s 40th birthday. I so missed the flock of relatives who one-by-one had paraded up to a table for a candle-lighting ceremony; many have long since deceased. The precious blend of sincere speeches, prayer, festive dancing and playful skits overwhelmed me. Furthermore, as one of the most senior members of our entire family, the “sunrise, sunset” motif penetrated and alarmed me more than ever before.

With Valentine’s Day just a few days away, our spontaneous love fest seemed most timely. The family bonding that pervaded the room grew thicker and more delicious as the evening wore on.

I highly recommend arranging a sustained family viewing of home movies, slide shows, and/or photos. This kind of shared experience will undoubtedly elicit various emotions, several meaningful/powerful perspectives, and some bursts of laughter.

Jim, Ruth, and baby Alaina in 1977.

Jim, Ruth, and baby Alaina in 1977.

 

However, fair warning: if you blink several times, you will find yourself gazing into the sunset. After all, how did a guy who is often a kid at heart, with a forty-year-old body, turn into a grayish-white-haired grandfather? Indeed, “swiftly fly the years!”

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Love is a Many Splendored Thing

by on 6:55 pm in love

“Love is a many splendored thing.” ~ 1955 movie and title song

I feel so incredibly grateful to be blessed with a romantic, introspective, artistic and spiritual nature, which in combination has given me a profound appreciation of literally the most amazing of all phenomena: love.

Paradoxically, love is instilled in everything, yet it defies definition. Theologians, mystics, psychologists, poets, musicians, etc. have attempted to portray it, but love, being the essence of the Divine, remains too vast for any attempted explanation or depiction to do it justice. However, every person has the existential opportunity to experience and develop love within the framework of his/her unique set of life circumstances.

Of course, love takes numerous forms. I’ll list some, with comments or examples:

  • Self-love: the foundation, but not in the grandiose, egotistical sense
  • Romantic: a common initial association with the term “love,” right along with the forthcoming Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day
  • Caring for people and animals: especially family, friends and pets
  • Service, particularly when selfless
  • Tough love: dispassionate limits, boundaries and disciplinary measures
  • Spiritual: quest to connect deeply with the Source and Sustainer of life
  • Beauty of nature: sunsets, beaches, mountains, flowers, birds, etc.
  • Artistic beauty: drawing/painting, music, dance, literature, etc.
  • Earthly desires: money, material possessions, fame, etc.
  • Achievement, adventure and major challenges in any area
  • Hobbies and interests that one is passionate about pursuing

Love, is de facto—by its very nature—limitless, so an exhaustive list of qualities associated with it is impossible to compile. Several attributes that reflect love are: caring, gratitude, appreciation, compassion/empathy, kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, generosity and humor.

As G-d is infinite, each of us can continually choose to expand and extend his/her ability to both give and receive love, in its innumerable, exquisite forms. My belief is that the most noble and meaningful life purposes are those that are generated by a deep sense of love. We all have the enormous privilege of “polishing our diamonds.”

What aspects of love are you willing to devote yourself to enhancing?

I love the multi-faceted glory of love. “Don’t leave home without it!”

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Viewing and Dancing With Our Shadows

by on 9:58 pm in dark side

With our annual Groundhog’s Day occurring at the end of this week, it seems to me to be an appropriate time to address the psychospiritual “shadow” phenomenon.

Carl Jung, a prominent early-20th-century neo-Freudian psychoanalyst, popularized the concept of one’s “shadow” in referring to an (often unconscious) aspect of the personality that the conscious ego either does not recognize in itself or finds unacceptable and therefore rejects. Thus, in Freudian terms, a person’s shadow aspects represents either suppressed or repressed personality characteristics that are (strongly) undesired. Many contemporary therapists, including myself, regard one’s  “shadow” as his/her negative or “dark side.”

We can grow substantially by coming to recognize and accept the nuances of our shadow/dark side. Conversely, failing to come to terms with or to embrace our shadow nature has the effect of limiting self-development, personal power, relationship skills and spiritual progress. Denying shadow aspects of one’s personality tends to lead one to project a perceived character deficit or sense of inferiority onto another person, often seeing those or similar suppressed traits as amplified in the other person.

The 18th-century Christian mystic Saint John of the Cross described his 45-year period of suffering as the “dark night of the soul.” He came to realize his intense struggles as a journey toward union with G-d.  Mother Theresa, a strong candidate for sainthood, endured an even longer dark night of the soul. Usually, a person experiences a much briefer period of suffering, feeling hopeless, alone and/or ashamed, ultimately discovering considerable growth as the adversity wanes. Benefits are  specially likely to be accrued when one refrains from resisting the pain and instead seeks to be present to it and receptive to the ensuing lessons. Doing so typically requires great patience, faith and rigor.

I learned many years ago that the numerous “dark nights” I have encountered, both of short and relatively long duration, are ultimate blessings in my life. Such times have served to humble, yet strengthen me and to advance my mystical training.  Therefore, I’m immensely grateful for those experiences and for my eventual courage to confront them head on, often after some initial resistance.

As an extended winter is often forecasted on Groundhog’s Day, each of us is inevitably due for more “winters of discontent.” May we learn to “dance gracefully” with our shadows and to extract the nectar from our negative traits, as well as from our harsh tribulations.

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